a thing me and a handful of friends with various successes and failures have realized is that women don't actually want their men to be vulnerable... or, in the mirror image of what you write, they want a faux vulnerability that allows them to exercise some maternal instinct, but without having the stakes of a real crisis of confidence or existential dread. women want performative vulnerability from men who otherwise appear invulnerable, my guess is because this vulnerability makes the women feel special. but it has nothing to do with the desirability of the man. in fact, the second that vulnerability is tied to a risk, it gives women the ick, possibly in the same way you worry your real vulnerability turns off men.
For a while I had a persistent pattern where I had much better dating results by never showing any affection or dependance on women. it invariably attracts them deeply to me; but I'm ultimately a bit needy and romantic and not stoic. I found myself in a position of having women I desired desire me. some of this is invariably stuff I need to work on, but I've become deeply cynical about how successful not being vulnerable, not being open, not showing interest, seems to be for both sexes.
my best friend was dating 4 women at the time he proposed to the now mother of his children. he wasn't a player; he was so scared of how much he liked her he needed a revolving door of sexual distraction to not scare away his wife. she played similar games with him. I don't know what to make of that.
My goodness, I felt this in my bones! It’s almost exactly why modeling has always frightened me. The concept of it is awkward to me.
I'm glad I moved on. It was fun while it lasted though, and it's exciting to document it all.
a thing me and a handful of friends with various successes and failures have realized is that women don't actually want their men to be vulnerable... or, in the mirror image of what you write, they want a faux vulnerability that allows them to exercise some maternal instinct, but without having the stakes of a real crisis of confidence or existential dread. women want performative vulnerability from men who otherwise appear invulnerable, my guess is because this vulnerability makes the women feel special. but it has nothing to do with the desirability of the man. in fact, the second that vulnerability is tied to a risk, it gives women the ick, possibly in the same way you worry your real vulnerability turns off men.
For a while I had a persistent pattern where I had much better dating results by never showing any affection or dependance on women. it invariably attracts them deeply to me; but I'm ultimately a bit needy and romantic and not stoic. I found myself in a position of having women I desired desire me. some of this is invariably stuff I need to work on, but I've become deeply cynical about how successful not being vulnerable, not being open, not showing interest, seems to be for both sexes.
my best friend was dating 4 women at the time he proposed to the now mother of his children. he wasn't a player; he was so scared of how much he liked her he needed a revolving door of sexual distraction to not scare away his wife. she played similar games with him. I don't know what to make of that.