How to Efficiently Secure a Marriage (for Women of Moderate to High Attractiveness)
Hello Everyone,
Iโve been indulging in a brief detour from serializing chapters of my book on this cursed little blog with my voice notes in English and Egyptian Arabic, my small transition from Albucracky to Manhattan, and my video updates. But I couldnโt resist the urge to dump my thoughts into the latrine that is this blogโthe things I should be doing but havenโt, all because I let trivial things like feelings and finding sublets and getting more money get in the way.
Hereโs the truth: this book is a huge priority, but so is survival, and dating feels like a full-time job in itself. My biggest goalโbesides eventually finishing this bookโis to get married. But not just for the sake of marriage. I want to build a specific kind of family. Iโve even picked out the names. I know exactly how Iโd raise them. I want to give the entire world to my future children, and I donโt want them to do what I did, and if this sounds vulgar, then yes, Iโm vulgar. But what Iโm pursuing is not even that vulgar.
I simply prioritize the survival of my lineage over my individual existence.
Isnโt that noble?
The only reason Iโm living in one of the most expensive cities in the world is because Iโm hunting for a suitable husband.
What inspired this post? I recently shared something on another platform that gained traction because it tapped into a deeper truth:
Why is dating a scam? Modern dating, as we know it, evolved from urbanization and industrialization, where societal shifts reshaped relationships between men and women. In the early 20th century, as cities grew crowded and women left cottage industries to work in factories and mills, dating became a strategic path for women seeking financial security. Subsidized dinners and paternal protection offered a softer version of transactional relationships in a world with significant wage disparities. Men, in turn, gained intimacy, companionship, and attention without the full commitment or costs of marriage and traditional courtship. Before this period, menโs options for mingling with women were limited to chaperoned courtship or full-fledged prostitution, often brokered in brothelsโwhich, as dating took hold, began to fade. Dating was cheaper than prostitution, and as men adopted it, many in the sex trade saw their work dry up as it was redefined in modern relationships.
The reality is that men will always pay for sex, but as people, they prefer to save money. In this way, the โgirlfriendโ replaced the prostitute, making the role of โwifeโ harder to secure. Thatโs why aspiring to be someoneโs girlfriend can feel almost insultingโ itโs essentially taking on the role of a lower-cost alternative to a prostitute.
The advent of the automobile, popularized by Henry Ford, allowed for greater mobility and access to private spaces, shifting relationships into public, less formal arenas where dating became more common and less of a precursor to marriage. Industrialization, the economic fallout from World War I, and later cultural movements like the sexual revolution of the 1960s further solidified this dynamic. Women, now financially independent, were still expected to date like commodities on the market, while men reaped the rewards with minimal investment. The result? A system where women provide emotional labor and affection, and men take without the need for commitment or responsibility.
In short, dating has historically allowed men to enjoy the benefits of relationships on their terms, without the contractual obligations of marriage. Itโs a system built for convenience, not commitment, which is why it often leaves women shortchanged.
I donโt want to freeze my eggs, and unfortunately, I donโt have sperm. Iโm not Al Pacino or Clint EastwoodโI canโt father children in my seventies and still expect to keep up. Itโs not that I believe women are washed up or haggard by thirty-five or forty, but Iโm aware of my own biological limitations. I donโt want to miss out on my childrenโs milestones, and I think thatโs fair. I am not โtradโโI hate that word. I am just the most reasonable woman in the whole universe.
What makes me value this advice is that it often contrasts sharply with my own tendencies, highlighting what I should be doing instead. I have a propensity to form intense pair bonds quickly, typically without setting high expectations. This guide serves as a crucial reminder of my objectives and desired approach to relationships. It reflects a modified version of my mother's wisdom, tailored for my current context, as I navigate dating in our liquid modernity rather than within my ethno-religious community from birth. Ultimately, this is the kind of guidance I would want to impart to a daughterโnot really through words, but through example. I intend to revisit this guide repeatedly to reinforce my goals and aspirations.
Sometimes I wonder if Iโm defective, not readyโbut I shove those thoughts aside because no one is ever truly ready to be a parent. Fuck it. I donโt care about my career. I have a job I despise, but itโs not a career. Itโs just something I do because I have to. Like most people. Maybe one day Iโll be able to make money off of my obsessions, but today is not that day.
In fact, my job, dealing with indemnity, reminds me every day that poverty is the biggest sin. I speak to people drowning in it, and itโs becoming clearer to me how many are steeped in decrepitude in this absurd social experiment called America which is just a parking lot backed by the Fed (Iโve said this many times). Everyone sounds like theyโre dyingโhoarse voices, spilling out of their chairs, high insurance rates because of their terrible credit, and veritable shanties that cost a thousand dollars a month to insure. โIt costs more to be poorโโweโve all heard that before, and itโs painfully true.
Being piss poor and familyless are the two biggest sins. They make you a leper. It terrifies me, because even though I donโt present as indigent, I feel constantly on the edge of it. And for whatever reason, my proximity to wealth only makes me more aware of how close I am to those whoโve been forgottenโthe wretched, the toothless, the imprisoned, the hobbling lean fiends with sores, aches, and survival instincts that border on feral.
The only part of my job I enjoy is occasionally snagging someoneโs account and routing numberโthough it makes me feel like a vulture, even if Iโm supposedly providing a valuable service. The things I love donโt make money. They donโt feed the Great Big Line or satisfy shareholders. But I digressโletโs get back on track.
Ladies, this oneโs for you. And this guide is for me. Men, I donโt care about your opinions unless youโre feeding me, financing me, or fucking me. So, no, this post isnโt for you. I donโt trust male compliments or criticism, and if youโre a marginally attractive to attractive woman, you shouldnโt either because men are always lying to women they want to fuck. Unless itโs your brother or your dad, and even then, take it with a grain of salt, because maybe even your dad wants to fuck you deep down in his lizard brain.
Now, this is advice I should be following but havenโt, and itโs about securing a stable, solid marriage. This advice is only for women who are moderately to highly attractive, because thereโs a different playbook for women who arenโt considered conventionally attractive by most men. Thatโs just the reality. Men are shallow and visually driven, even when theyโre at their most pragmatic because they want to have sex with you, and they will lie to you at any cost, and not even realize it. You could be the final fling, the last serious girlfriend, only to end up getting dumped and replaced by someone else they date and propose to within four months. And honestly, I donโt know what advice to give to women who arenโt considered attractive, because I stopped being unsightly to most by the end of high school. Iโm a bona fide ugly ducklingโI felt the transition deeply.
Let me be clear: this is not to suggest that unconventionally attractive women shouldn't hold high standardsโfar from it. In fact, we all should, for high standards elevate not only ourselves but the world around us. Many women who fall outside conventional ideals possess a wealth of admirable traitsโtalents, intelligence, charmโthat superficial eyes may fail to see. Men, driven largely by visual cues, might overlook these qualities, but that only speaks to their limitations, not to the woman's worth. What I am suggesting, however, is that they might thrive by following a different set of strategies, one I cannot fully articulate, as it lies outside the scope of my experience.
What this is not: This is not a guide to turn your situationship into a relationship. Remember, a situationship is just a relationship with poorly defined boundaries. This isnโt about getting a man to be your boyfriend, nor is it about being romantic. Romance is a tool, but more often than not, itโs an obstacleโa double-edged sword that can wound you. Get your romantic heartbreak out of the way if you need to, then come back to this guide when you're ready to get serious. This is a guide for efficiently securing marriage. Yes, itโs primarily for women who want to be wives and mothers, and yes, it will probably be seen as reactionary, old-fashioned, Machiavellian, and gold-digger-ish. People will say this is misogynistic and misandrist, but quite frankly, I am very life-affirming in my pessimism. Call me Art-Hoe-Schopenhauer. Feel free to hate me for it.
This guide is full of generalizations, and I acknowledge that upfront. So, donโt come here talking about your rare romantic success storiesโhow you dated for a decade and it somehow worked out, or how you took your time and it all felt effortless. This isnโt about exceptions; this is about strategy. Think of it like insurance. The goal is to minimize risk, not eliminate it entirely. You assess potential hazards, calculate the likelihood of different outcomes, and then make decisions to protect yourself from worst-case scenarios. The same principle applies here: youโre not chasing some elusive, perfect romantic outcome, but rather evaluating the potential risks and rewards of relationships. Itโs about identifying your strengths, understanding the patterns that have led to success or failure, and placing yourself in the best possible position to secure a favorable outcomeโnamely, a stable marriage. Youโre hedging your bets, optimizing for efficiency, and managing the volatility of the dating pool, much like an actuary would when determining the best coverage plan.
A woman should be brutally honest with herself about how attractive she is to most people, not just in terms of her own standards or what her friends say, but by looking objectively at how the world responds to her. This doesn't mean relying on fleeting compliments or comparing herself to othersโit means assessing the kind of attention she receives, how often, and from whom. Physical attractiveness plays a significant role in how others perceive and treat you, and acknowledging where you stand can help shape realistic expectations in dating and relationships. Understanding your appeal is essential, not for validation, but as a tool for navigating interactions with others more strategically.
Embrace Strategic Confidence (Within Reason)
If you are attractive by most standards, you have cleared a significant hurdle in the dating economy. What follows is the delicate art of delusionโstrategic, not irrational. This delusion is an inflation of self-worth, positioning yourself as the prize, the object of pursuit. Men, driven by surface and conquest, respond to this confidence wrapped in beauty. Yet the line is thin: be delusional, but not foolish.
To be delusional here means to believe that the best outcomes are yours for the taking. This isnโt blindness to flaws or naivetรฉ before red flags, but a projection of scarcity. In the dating market, perceived rarity breeds value. But beware: your moderate delusion must remain somewhat tethered to reality. Recalibrate, retreat, reassessโconfidence must be grounded in self-awareness. The delusion I speak of isnโt about expecting every man to grovel before you; itโs about recognizing and amplifying your leverage while avoiding self-sabotage. This mental game is a careful negotiation of worth, scarcity, and control, where success lies not in arrogance, but in strategic confidence.
Avoid Cohabitation Before Marriage
While cohabitation may seem like a way to test compatibility, it often leads to complacency rather than progress. Living together blurs boundaries and creates a dynamic where itโs easier to drift without a clear goal. The relationship becomes comfortable, delaying marriage, and reducing your leverage. Youโre giving away exclusivity and intimacy without securing long-term commitment. By not cohabiting, you maintain your independence, preserve mystery, and ensure both partners are serious about moving toward marriage. If heโs serious, heโll propose without needing to โtest the waters.โ
Cultivate Receptivity Without Desperation
Receptivity invites potential partners to approach without barriers, yet this openness must not slip into desperation. To beg or over-ask diminishes your value. As Benjamin Franklin, or some other Founding Father who found Germans to be tawny, noted, โHe that has done you a service wants another.โ A simple, sincere request fosters connection; men crave utility and significance, yearning to feel needed. Instead of pleading for attention, say, โCould you help me with this? Youโre so strong.โ Such a request empowers him and reinforces his value. Hints can also be subtle yet effective. Mentioning, โI heard about a new exhibit this weekend,โ opens the door for him to take the initiative. When he responds, express gratitude: โThank you for suggesting this! Iโm genuinely excited!โ This reinforces his role as a provider of joy. Asking should be rare and carefully measured; frequent requests signal insecurity. Instead, embody the confidence you seek. When you do ask, make it meaningful to cultivate desire rather than pity. Do not let the phallus subsume you until marriage is on the table.
Stroke Egos
Raise Cortisol Levels Sparingly
โSuccessfulโ men are often drawn to women with a touch of unpredictability. These men, weary from the monotony of their professional lives, seek the thrill that a โcrazyโ woman can provideโa refreshing departure from routine.
Cortisol, the stress hormone, elevates emotions and creates urgency. When raised sparingly, it injects excitement into a relationship. A woman who embodies spontaneityโwhether through impulsive road trips, late-night adventures, or daring escapadesโcan invigorate connection, transforming the mundane into the extraordinary. These men often experience burnout from the conformity of their workplace interactions. They crave the unpredictable energy that comes from a spirited partner. A dash of scandal can heighten intrigue. Consider suggesting a last-minute getaway to a nearby city. How about a night of mischief at a pop-up art show? Suck him off in the fire escape? Or even a surprise visit to a trendy bar he wouldnโt normally frequent? Hand him your panties under the restaurant table. Make him watch that seedy giallo flick from the โ70s. Take a solo trip to an exotic destination for two weeks with no explanationโjust tell him, โI wanted to go on a honeymoon for myself.โ Dismiss men who claim to dislike crazy women; more often than not, they're lying. They may not even realize it, but their words are frequently disconnected from their true feelings and desires.
Be a Peach, Not a Coconut
The peach, with its soft, inviting flesh, invokes openness and connection, while the coconut, encased in a tough shell, represents emotional barriers.
To be a peach is to embody warmth, inviting others to draw near and share their thoughts. This openness cultivates a safe space for genuine expression. Your demeanor, interest, and active listening create an atmosphere of ease. Yet, remember: even peaches harbor pitsโemotional cores that demand respect. Openness does not necessitate total exposure; boundaries must exist alongside vulnerability.
Choose a Man Who Loves You More Than You Love Him
In love, emotional investment dictates power dynamics. The partner who loves less often wields more control, creating a perilous situation for women, particularly as illness or age become factors. Statistics show that men are less likely to remain when their partner's beauty fades or health declines. For instance, a study published in Cancer (2009) revealed that married men were six times more likely to divorce their wives diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis compared to women whose husbands faced similar illnesses. About 21% of men left their sick wives, while only 3% of women left their ailing husbands. This discrepancy underscores women's greater loyalty in difficult times, while men often falter under physical or emotional burdens. Additionally, a 2015 study in Social Science Research found that men facing life-threatening illnesses were 2.9 times more likely to initiate divorce than women in similar situations. These figures illustrate a troubling reality: women are more likely to endure hardship, whereas men may retreat when faced with challenges. Even beyond illness, men are more prone to infidelity in long-term relationships. The Journal of Marriage and Family reports that 20% of men admit to cheating, compared to 13% of women. This disparity reveals a psychological divide in commitment, particularly as physical beauty diminishes over time. Societal pressures compel men to seek youth and beauty, often leading to discontent with long-term partners. Research from the American Psychological Association indicates that men place a higher value on physical attractiveness than women do, intensifying the pressure to stray as women age. Thus, choosing a man who loves you more than you love him becomes a critical safeguard. A deeply invested partner is less likely to leave when faced with age or hardship; his emotional commitment provides security beyond mere aesthetics. Such a man will be inclined to stay, support, and fight for the relationship. Ultimately, statistics reveal that women are generally more loyal. By prioritizing a partner who is emotionally invested, you can ensure that when superficial aspects fade, he remains steadfast. A relationship built on unequal loveโwhere the man loves moreโoffers a buffer against the harsh realities of aging, illness, and time's passage.
Sources:
Statistics on Gender Loyalty in Relationships
Wealth Does Not Equal Generosity
Itโs easy to assume that a man with substantial wealth will be generous with his resources and affection, but the reality can be quite different. Wealth can mask deeper insecurities or a scarcity mentality. Some affluent individuals cling tightly to their resources, viewing generosity as a threat to their status. This can manifest in a reluctance to share financial responsibilities or invest emotionally. Consequently, the expectation that rich men are inherently generous can lead to disappointment when their actions donโt align. Generosity extends beyond financial contributions; it encompasses time, attention, and emotional support. A wealthy man might shower you with extravagant gifts but fail to engage in meaningful conversations or emotional intimacy. True generosity reflects a willingness to share oneself, not just material wealth. To navigate this dynamic, approach relationships with discernment. Observe how a man treats not just you, but those around him. Is he considerate of others? Does he offer his time and attention freely? These qualities provide a clearer picture of his character beyond financial status.
Many will call this charmless, but it speaks a truth about the human condition: none of this matters unless thereโs someone to share it with. Iโve seen men stack up MacLarens, penthouses, and endless notches on their belt, yet they still wrestle with a void. Itโs never enough. The thrill of accumulating wealth fades. Why? Because they arenโt sharing it. They flaunt it to twenty-year-olds who are half-disgusted, half-bored, but thatโs not sharing. True sharingโwhether itโs a meal, a sweater, or spitโis intimate. Itโs human. These men hoard but miss the point: itโs not what you have but who you give it to, who you feel with, who youโre real with. Even Aristotle knew we were built for it. Humans are social creatures, not made for solitary glory but communion. Iโm not a commie, but sharing makes life bearable.
Financial dependence is not the only dependence
Financial dependence often obscures the myriad ways partners rely on each other, particularly in familial contexts. Managing a householdโespecially one with childrenโis an all-consuming role, requiring dedication that transcends monetary contributions. The nurturing, education, and emotional scaffolding a mother provides shape her children's futures, creating a legacy far more valuable than any paycheck. Beauty and its upkeep form another vital layer of this dynamic. A woman's commitment to self-care is not mere vanity; it is a powerful form of capital that enhances her partner's status. An attractive companion serves as a longevity protocol, fostering motivation and pride, thereby elevating a man's success in competitive realms. This interdependence is not one-sided. The man, too, is deeply reliant on his partnerโher emotional support serves as an anchor. Picture the successful man with a striking woman by his side: her presence not only opens doors but cultivates opportunities, amplifying his confidence and social standing. Women should avoid men who fail to recognize the value of this labor. You can easily tell when a man holds this kind of labor in contempt, particularly if he perceives housewives as mere freeloaders.
Love as an Ephemeral Experience
Love, in its essence, can be viewed as a mere phenomenonโan emotional state that comes and goes, rather than a steadfast force that ensures a satisfactory marriage. Itโs not an immutable bond but a fluid experience, influenced by time, circumstances, and individual growth. In this light, love becomes less about romantic ideals and more about a series of moments and choices. Itโs an emotion that can ignite with passion and then fade into indifference or even resentment. People may feel deeply connected one day and distant the next, reflecting the inherent volatility of love. This inconsistency reveals that love does not guarantee a harmonious partnership; itโs merely an ingredient in the complex recipe of relationships. Love should not be romanticized as an all-consuming force but rather understood as a choice and a commitment. Love, while often depicted as a magical state, is ultimately a decision to prioritize another personโs well-being, even in the absence of emotional fervor.
Itโs All About Timing: Don't Be the Dream Woman; Be the Right Woman
Men often seek not their โdream womanโ but rather a โgood enoughโ womanโone who fits seamlessly into their lives when the moment is right. It doesnโt matter if you embody that manโs dream woman; if the timing isnโt right, he will inevitably fumble the opportunity. He may cause you pain, and whatโs worse is that he may not even care about the hurt he inflicts becauseโฆ heโs a man. Men typically desire commitment when their careers are thriving, and they feel ready to settle down, looking for stability and companionship. For women, this means being extremely calculated: identify those pivotal moments when a man is ready to commit. Look for the signsโa man discussing family, stability, or a shared future indicates heโs open to building a life together. However, steer clear of categories of men who are unlikely to be ready for something serious. Those who are broke, students still finding their way, or individuals in transitional phases often lack the focus to commit. Aspiring artists or entrepreneurs without traction are too distracted by their uncertainties, while men grappling with unresolved personal issuesโaddiction, emotional traumaโare often incapable of nurturing a healthy relationship. I understand the desire to be romantic and envision a life with a man, but if you want to protect your heart and soul, I strongly advise against playing the role of the dream girl who tirelessly builds him upโpolishing his rough edges and creating a more refined version of himself (think fresh sheets, no cum stained socks, and expertly made reservations)โonly to be cast aside for the โgood enoughโ woman who fits into his life when the timing is right.
Donโt Play Wife Before Youโre a Wife
In the early stages of dating, it's crucial to maintain boundaries that prevent you from slipping into a โwifeyโ role for a man who hasnโt committed to you. While cooking a meal for a date can be sweet, taking on household responsibilities is a different matter. Avoid actions that signal a deeper commitment than he has offered. This includes cleaning his house, doing his laundry, or managing his grocery shopping. These tasks blur the lines of the relationship and can lead him to assume youโre willing to take on wifely duties without the actual title.
Here are some specific wifey tasks you should steer clear of:
House Cleaning: Donโt tidy up his place or take on chores that he should handle himself.
Laundry Duties: Avoid washing his clothes or folding his laundry. He should manage his own wardrobe.
Cooking Regularly: While cooking a meal for a date can be nice, donโt make it a habit. You can cook occasionally, but donโt fall into a routine of daily meals.
Errands: Running errands can be fine occasionally, but donโt make it a routine. Ensure that youโre not the go-to person for all his errands, which can create an expectation of your availability.
Home Dรฉcor: Let him establish his own environment; donโt take on the role of decorator.
Paying Bills: Donโt manage his finances or pay his bills. He needs to handle his own financial obligations.
Planning Vacations: While traveling together can be fun, donโt be the sole planner for trips or getaways. Share the planning responsibilities.
Taking Care of Pets: If he has pets, donโt assume full responsibility for their care. Encourage him to be involved in their upkeep.
Event Coordination: Avoid being the one who organizes gatherings or events for him and his friends or family.
Health Management: Donโt take on the role of his caregiver when heโs sick. He should be responsible for his own health.
Personal Goals Support: While encouragement is great, donโt take charge of his personal goals or projects. Let him pursue his interests independently.
By not cohabitating, you can largely avoid these scenarios. Remember, sex may be readily available, but your efforts in nurturing and maintaining a household are invaluable. By keeping these roles separate, you assert your worth and ensure that any future partnership is built on mutual respect and genuine commitment. If you naturally lean toward being nurturing, this advice may prove challenging. Below, I've highlighted my most recent misstep with two screenshots: the manโs initial attempt, followed by his revised comment. As you can see, Iโm an incredible woman capable of both tantalizing a man and cooking him dinner, but it's important to recognize that not all men are worthy of such efforts, especially hackneyed knockoffs of Nabokov characters.
Donโt Drop Everything For Him
Staying occupied is vital in the dating stage; your life should not revolve around a man. The man should revolve around you even if he thinks it revolves around him. Focus on building a stable career and never rearranging your plans for someone else. This not only communicates your independence but also highlights your value. Fill your calendar with hobbies and passions that bring you joy. Remember, the early dating phase is not the time to drop everything for a man. Do not switch around your plans. Do not give up your hobbies. Do not give up your work out routine. You will be organically busy. Additionally, always maintain a source of income, no matter how casual, and even if youโre mostly a housewife. You can make money from home. This provides a safety net and ensures youโre never left in a vulnerable position should things not work out.
Donโt Present As Cynically As This Guide
Never reveal your realistic perspective on these matters to a man, as they often desire to maintain the upper hand. Be cute.
The Art of Strategic Vulnerability
I've realized it's wise to guard your vulnerabilities; revealing too much can give a man ammunition to use against you. Yet, men often seek a degree of vulnerability in their partners, wanting to feel needed and capable of offering support. The key is to express vulnerability in a way that empowers himโmaking him feel manly and valued without relinquishing your own power. Consider Br'er Rabbit, who feigned vulnerability to outwit his enemies. In relationships, share a minor insecurity or light-hearted concern, inviting him to step into the role of protector. For instance, mention feeling overwhelmed by a small challenge, not as a plea for help, but as a way for him to share his wisdom or offer a solution. This invites him to feel significant while you control the narrative.
Hold Off on the โI Love Youโ
Saying โI love youโ too soon can dilute its significance and, ironically, push a man away. Love is a powerful sentiment that should be reserved for moments of genuine connection. If you express your feelings prematurely, it can create an imbalance; men often perceive it as a sign of desperation or emotional neediness.
Instead, let him take the lead. Limit your expression of love to when he says it first. This not only reinforces his feelings but also creates a dynamic where your love feels like a reciprocated response, enhancing its value. Once he expresses his love, you can respond with a heartfelt โI love youโ in return, but keep it at a maximum of once a month after that. This approach ensures that your declarations remain special and not just routine. I struggle with this and need to improve at saying โI love youโ less frequently and refrain from shouting it in bed. I cherish the orgasm and the thrill of being throttled; I must learn to differentiate between the two.
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